Some #jokesandgarbage for the New Year
Everyone loves making predictions and resolutions for the new year. So, Syracuse Orange fans let’s combine them and instead of resolutions we have no intention of following, we’ll make some predictions that probably won’t come true, but are more fun to think about.
January
Syracuse wins 4 of the 6 games before their California trip, but things are looking bleak when Fran Brown suggests that Adrian Autry bring LeQuint Allen with the team. The King of the West Coast stays undefeated in the Pacific time zone and the Orange find themselves in the muddled middle of the ACC after sweeping Stanford and Cal.
February
Kyle McCord wins his NCAA waiver but in a stunning move he announces that he’ll be transferring to Rutgers. Turns out the State of New Jersey offers McCord the entire Summer 2025 profits from Jersey Turnpike tolls as part of a NIL deal and Syracuse can’t match.
March
Both Syracuse basketball teams advance to the semi-finals of the ACC Tournament. Despite the nice runs, they end up in the NIT where Syracuse schedules a double-header….but plot-twist, the two games are played simultaneously to the the delight of the 5,000 fans in attendance. Unfortunately the games are marred by turnovers when players stop because the Dome can’t adjust the volume of the scorer’s horns.
April
As Syracuse wraps up spring practice, Fran Brown announces that Arch Manning will transfer to the Orange for the 2025 season. Manning receives a NIL deal which includes naming rights to the under-construction aquarium in the Inner Harbor, which will be dubbed “The Nationwide Manninquarium”
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
May
The Syracuse women’s lacrosse team makes a return to the Final Four where they get knocked out by Delaney Sweitzer’s Northwestern team in the semi-final. The men’s team makes the NCAA Tournament but are eliminated by Notre Dame. Syracuse fans start to wonder if any alums should be hired as coaches.
June
UConn joins the Big 12. Danny Hurley declares it the “greatest basketball conference ever created”. Two days later, Hurley announces that he’s taking the Brooklyn Nets head coaching job and looks forward to coaching in “the greatest NBA division ever”. UConn hires Rick Pitino to take over. Pitino resigns during his introductory press conference when it’s pointed out to him that he has to play games in Stillwater and Waco. UConn quickly offers Ed Cooley a 5-year/$50m deal to take over – leaving Georgetown to bring back Patrick Ewing.
July
The Peyton Manning Passing Academy comes to Syracuse and brings with it the best collection of college football signal-callers. Fran Brown organizes a weekend trip to the 1000 Islands where a boat containing the ACC and SEC starting quarterbacks is accused of illegally entering Canadian waterways. The legal battle which follows keeps these players detained in Kingston, Ontario until October when they are finally allowed to return.
August
Arch Manning makes his Syracuse debut and throws for 311 yards and three scores. He adds another 75 yards and two touchdowns on the ground. ABC spends the 4th quarter showing us Peyton Manning pulling off his gray Vols 1/4-zip and replacing it with a true Orange 1⁄4 zip…just like the one Eli’s been wearing the entire game.
September
The Manning to Pena combination is tearing up the ACC. Dabo Swinney laments that he trusted Cade Klubnik’s legal case to God’s will, but to be fair to Dabo, it’s a better strategy than Texas’ attempts to let Ted Cruz free Quinn Ewers.
October
Syracuse football is undefeated but due to the new ticket promotion which prices tickets based on the number of passing yards in Arch’s last game, the Orange draw a crowd of 17, 423 to watch them play North Carolina. Gameday shows up to discuss the Belichick v Manning battle and 44,444 Syracuse fans pack the Quad to watch Riley Dixon kick Pat McAfee through the uprights in front of Link Hall.
November
Kiyan Anthony’s Syracuse debut takes place in Madison Square Garden against the Memphis Tigers. The Orange get the win thanks to 27 points from JJ Starling and a double-double from Sadiq White. Nunes commenters are upset that Kiyan does the post-game interviews after scoring 11 points on 3-7 shooting. Dion Waiters tweets that the legacy of #3 has been tarnished because Kiyan didn’t get up more shots.
December
Syracuse hosts Rutgers in the first round of the College Football Playoff. Arch Manning out-duels Kyle McCord and post game Fran Brown joins fans at “The Nationwide Manninquarium” to feed bags of Terrell’s potato chips to the sharks.
Buckle up Syracuse fans it sounds like 2025 could be a wild one